Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Daddy, what is "dirty sex"?

And here we have it, my introduction into sex education with my daughter. I have been having discussions with my daughter on sexuality and I recently noticed she was a little uncomfortable with me asking the questions, so I invited her to ask me instead. So she then proceeds to go, "Dad, um, ah, well ok I'll just ask...."What is dirty sex?". Im thinking "oh my god, what did you say". I try to keep a straight face, my first thought being, "Have you been talking to Denise" lol. So I bet youre all wondering how I can make this discussion about religion? Well first off, after I recovered from the shock of the question, I had to ask myself where the idea of "dirty sex" came from. I realized that its origins are from religion. Firstly the idea that sex outside of marriage was deemed "sinful" or "evil". It then morphed into certain sexual acts as being "sinful" or dirty. Now obviously there are some sexual acts that are debasing or "dirty" so to speak, but in the context of a loving relationship why do we still use the phrase "dirty sex" when describing our sex life? It is not only the religious who use this phrase, I hear it from just as many secular people as well. The great thing about my daughters question is that it naturally evolved into discussing such things as Trust, Commitment, Love, Safety and many other issues that help us to have healthy relationships that involve sexuality. I hope for my daughter that she has all options available to her, including abstinence. All are tools that can help her navigate the world of sexuality and relationships. I will remind you though, when talking with your children be prepared for what they may ask. "Out of the mouth of babes"

14 comments:

Dean said...

Too funny! So what did you tell her dirty sex was?

freestyleroadtrip said...

I hear ya. My boys, 10 and 9, are starting to ask some questions. We've had the nuts and bolts talks describing anatomy and how "boys fertilize girls," but all the emotional things that are tied up in it have been beyond them thus far. But I can see them starting to wonder, and like you, am just trying to keep it open to whatever questions they want to ask. I would say to you, "Well done."

Redlefty said...

Dirty sex is the best kind, of course!

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

You're daughter is a very lucky young lady to have parents (especially a father) willing to talk to her about sex. I applaud you.

Luke said...

i'm file'n this away for when Eve is old enough... good responce and observation. those crazy puritans labeled everything other than missionary dirty. and those same crazies had a large part in forming this country. CRAP! (well, my country anyway.. you canadians might have gotten off the hook with your French influence... luck dawgs...) ;-)

mac said...

Cute :-)

I remember quite some years ago, my Nephew was visiting Grandma while his Moma ( my big sister) worked.

He was maybe 2 and a half years old. I stopped by Mom's hopuse for a short visit during the day. I had to use the restroom, and, as is my normal, I just ducked into the downstairs bathroom just off the kitchen, not bothering to asure the door was locked - this was HOME, no need to worry.

My little nephew comes into the bathroom looks right at the business and asks " Whatch doin' Uncle mac?"........

Flash forward six hours- I get the funniest call from my BIG sister, After, of course she had a serious Q and A with the lad.

" Mommy, I saw Uncle mac's thingy today, it's covered with hair and kind of big!"

"WHAT ! Son, how is it you saw Uncle mac's penis?"

She assured me that if it had been anyone else, she would have been worried ten times worse.

tysdaddy said...

Oh, my!

I know when one of my kids pops something like this, I always try to ascertain where they heard about it. Context is everything. It's important to figure out what SHE thinks dirty sex is before you try to answer the question.

Kudos, dad, for taking the time. It's all we have to give . . .

Yael said...

No puritans in my world man. Sex, like religion, gets taken way too seriously, IMO. Fortunately we liberal Jews don't get tied in knots about any of this, our texts don't even include the word 'fornication' so...

One time last year my ex and I were out to dinner with the kids and I asked my younger son how his sex ed was going at school. "Did they have you practice yet?" I asked. We were all laughing. I know, horrible mom, but hey, my kids are growing up fine so I must be doing something right.

societyvs said...

I had actually left a comment but it deleted - about 5 days ago - and it was fuuunnnnyyy!

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