Thursday, June 25, 2009
Boys will be Boys.............
What does our world say to us. I know as I look at my daughters world she will have to deal with ideas that pertain to whether she is Pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough. How she navigates this world will ultimately come from her. I hope that I can help with that. Now what does our world say to me and my fellow males? Are you tough enough, big enough, strong enough? The questions and the pressures are no less than our female counterparts, but they are extremely different. I dont remember when I realized that I was being judged by my fellow males about who I was and who I was to be. Early on I saw that there was a pecking order of sorts. If you were bigger and stronger you were the first to be picked for the team. But if you were smaller and weaker you waited, hoping you werent the last to be chosen. Though all may not have experienced the same lesson the feeling is exactly the same. Do you measure up. Because we are more physical by nature(though there are exceptions), early on Boys test other boys. They grapple, poke, prod, tease.......they are attempting to figure out who is the Alpha male. Though we may not all partake in this game, we all do know what is at stake. What is it that makes us play, but more importantly, what is it that takes some to the outer edge ?
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7 comments:
I was often picked last, mostly because I was the fat kid; no one wants the slow kid to foul things up.
I made up for my weight by being a clown, often making fun of myself before others had the chance. I was loud, and I was good at it.
Now, all these years later, I'm older, thinner, and quieter.
Time . . .
I am not an ethologist, but I think that a going theory for animal "play" is practice combat before lethality is a reality. It is bonding of tribal (clan, herd) behavior with ranking and practice combat.
And humans are certainly animals. We just have the added skill of being able to look back at programmed behavior and make up more elaborate stories.
I think sometimes being judged by the females is harder than the males.
Or at least, coming up lacking for the females is tougher. Because, who really cares if guys think you're manly enough?
Wommin? Now there's a beast I'm always trying to please (often falling short;-)
Hey John,
Our fun blogging has come to an end. I have been taken to task by the powers that be at my shul for certain of my blogs so I shut them all down. I will not be censored. Perhaps someday I will blog in private and then you'll be able to read what I really think!
Much of it might be rooted in misogyny, as well.
The ultimate "slam" to give a guy is to call him weak, pansy, wimp, or actually just come out and call him a girl. Feminize him. For some reason that's theu ultimate male insult... to be like a woman.
Women, on the other hand, tend to slam each other by overemphasizing what are seen as feminine pitfalls (emotionalism, mood swings, game playing, etc...). They don't slam another woman by calling her a man.
Random thought. Hope it made sense.
Eager for your next post!
Testosterone. That's why we push each other. That's why we compete. That's why some of us push to the extreme. And that's healthy for the most part. The unfortunate part of it is when we place our worth there and it becomes that we are a better human being than someone else because we can do something better or push farther. It takes intent to see the where the limits of maleness should stop, to see when and where we need to let up on the pressure, on the tendency to need to earn everything, and soften up and even let our emotions flow through us. I am reading a good book that refers to emotions as radar. They are trying to tell us something about us, about our environment. When we ignore them, we are blinded.
There's an Australian, Sam de Brito, that tackles many of these questions on his blog, All Men Are Liars. The blog is largely hit or miss. Some days he's quite insightful and poses some rather thought-provoking posts. Other days his posts are a bit more crass and/or superficial. But when he's "on" he's really on the money.
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