Im out for dinner with my beautiful wife, you know the one with the great smile, beautiful lips and eyes and awesome wit......Oops I digress. So we're having a wonderful time and our server is excellent. We end up having a good conversation with him about what we do for a living, which then gets into a discussion about his schooling and why he is taking the courses that he is enrolled in. He shares some personal information about his obesity as a youth and how he now would like to help others overcome similar challenges. He is now in excellent shape. At the end of our dinner(and a couple of drinks), we end up talking a little more about our ideas on health and wellness. It was at this moment that I made a remark about a therapist I was seeing and how I had a hard time listening to them because of their morbid obesity. I articulated that I felt because of their obesity they would not be of benefit to me. Instantly the server's demeanour changed. I totally missed why that would be and continued to talk. My wife remarked about it after we left and I realized that I was too busy talking about my thing, that I missed the fact that I hurt someone in this exchange. Had my 2 ears been open earlier I would have known better than to engage in a conversation about obesity and my negative view on it. This experience has made me realize that I need to be more aware of what people say and not how I say things. Humbling for sure.
Thanks to Luke and Jay for there shout outs on Community and accountability.
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10 comments:
Ouch. Glad you had someone there to help you see it!
My old TKD instructor used to say<
"You can't use these" (tugs at ears)
"If You're using this" (points at mouth)
It happens. We all say and do inappropriate things from time to time.
The fact that you realized this and are big enough to admit the faux pas is good. It speaks toward good character.
:-)
good call dude! silence is truly golden. consideration then would be platinum!
good story... thanks for the shout-out! (albeit an undeserved one)
We all have been there..Live and learn!
I find myself apologizing over this exact thing quite often - again this weekend. However, I realize that making mistakes teaches me something also - and I hope the people I offend can forgive me for small infractions to their feelings - made in my haste of ignorance.
I am with you John - heck - I am you sometimes (with direct regards to this situation).
My answer is always to address our wrongs and make them right (as best they can made right). I find people need to know they are right and we were wrong - it's self affirming for them (and we need to to humble ourselves if only to keep our pride in check - we all have tendencies to narcissism).
I don't like it any more than you do...but it's a system of accountability that asks more of us even when we show the least of us.
All kinds of people do that. Many others are told that they shouldn't have done it.
Only a couple admit the error and set out to change.
Congratulations, you're a rare breed.
Wow, your wife is your guardian. A gift !
Thanks Sabio
Great gifts are hard to come by.
I'm curious about something...
Do you regret saying what you said in front of the server, or do you regret the fact that you distrust fat people?
If it's the first, then it's good that you recognize offending others and want to stop it. But if it's not the latter as well, then I still think it's a little disturbing that you wouldn't trust a therapist simply because he/she is obese. Granted, not trusting a morbidly obese fitness trainer makes sense and has merit. But one does not have to be physically fit to help someone else with their problems.
Just wondering.
I enjoyed reading tthis
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