Nine Lives.....................#1

Recently I was reminiscing about events in my life that could have easily turned for the worse. Fortunately nothing dire happened but it sure did seem like I was using up some of my "Nine Lives". Hope you enjoy both the humour and foolishness of some of my youthful indiscretions.

Back in my early twenties several of my friends and I used to frequent a local strip club to play pool for money and beers. I know, I know, but really, it was for money and beers. The scenery was definately a plus though. During one of my games I was embroiled in a heated debate over a shot that I took. It turned out the gentleman I was playing with did not agree with my position. During the course of our disagreement it came out that he was a member of a motorcycle gang that I was not familiar with. My friends knew of them but I was ignorant of their actual status. My conversation with the biker went something like this.

Me: Let me guess, youre a Hell's Angel wanna be.

Biker: Do  you not know who we are????

Me: What, just some stupid motorcycle gang!

Biker: (stares me down) You know what, its your lucky night.

He then proceeds to walk away. By this time my friends in the corner were turning white with fear. They yelled at me for being a fucking idiot. They then proceeded to tell me that the "Outlaws" were actually a rival of the Hells Angels and that they ran the strippers in and out of the clubs in that area. For the next several weeks I stayed away from that establishment and thanked my lucky stars I wasnt swimming with the Fishies that evening. I guess some days its better to be lucky than smart.

Gallows Humour

Many years ago before I became a Massage Therapist I had a job as an orderly at a local rehab hospital. I was 20yrs old and full of life. One evening as I was doing my rounds I came into a room and proceeded to put up the bed rails of the patients. One of the patients requested that I leave his down and come back later to put it up. I figured I was going on break soon, so I said I would do it after that. When I returned to the room I found that he was no longer breathing. I was a little out of sorts to say the least. I felt ill equipped to begin CPR, so I went to the front desk to tell the Head Nurse of my predicament. She screamed "Doctor Heart" and there was a flurry of activity. They attempted to revive the gentleman but too much time had elapsed and he was declared dead on the spot. It was then that I and several others had to prepare this man for the morgue. We were all new to the experience of dealing with death and the tension was palpable. It was at that moment I decided to try to "lighten" the moment. Seeing as the man was a double amputee(legs) due to his diabetes I remarked, "Where are we going to put the Toe Tag"? Unfortunately that little joke did not go down to well. Never to be put off by a simple failure I tried again shortly after. We were in the midst of moving the body from the bed to a guerney when all of a sudden there was a raspy growl from the body. The nursing assistant then yelped and dropped him back on the table. At that moment I remarked, "He's Alive". After a collective groan I realized my future as a stand up comic would not become a reality.

The Fight................does it ever end?

The blows rained down on me, but unlike raindrops they stung. The only moisture I could feel were the teardrops that flowed down my cheeks. "Please, stop! I dont want it anymore". There was a pause, a brief reprieve. Just as I was beginning to feel relief, the words that echo in my ears came out. "You Fucking Faker". SMACK!

Certain moments in our lives shape us. They leave indelible imprints that forever cast a shadow over us. In the previous post I touched on how our habits affect us. Though I no longer physically fight I seem to be drawn to combat of other sorts. Certain verbiage pushes buttons that I did not know still existed. Though I have worked hard at tearing down the walls it is obvious that some are still standing. I see and hear things that many cannot understand. Once in a while a run across a fellow traveller who understands me. I see it in their eyes or hear it in their words, The fighter.............

First we make our habits............Then our habits make us.

Who are we? It seems we are the sum total of what we do. Sure we may have genetic predispositions to certain behaviours, but does that mean this is who we are. The more I see myself, the more I see that I am what I do. I mean that the things I consistently act on seem to create the person that I am. Throughout my life I have attempted to modify or correct negative behaviours or on the other hand continue with the positive behaviours. Yet, even with this awareness I now realize I only succeed in positive change when I make it a habit. I think I need more practice in certain areas. Today I will be more proactive with certain habits. How about you?

Damn those immigrants!

The other day the wife decided to go for a pedicure. We have a small place in a mall close to our place of business. It is run by a local Vietnamese family. As my wife was sitting waiting for her pampering she overheard the mother(owner) of the business talking with her daughter. It turns out the daughter had taken a leave of absence from her job(Lawyer) to help her mom run the family business. So over the course of the next 30 to 40 min my wife had an enlightening conversation with a fellow business owner. It went something like this.

Wife: So how's business?

Owner: No good. People no like work!

Wife: Are you having staffing problems? I know we certainly are.

Owner: Yes, too many lazy and greedy. English, white canadian women no like work hard. Sorry lady, no mean you.

Wife: Thats ok, Im French Canadian.

Owner: Yes, you work better.

Wife: So do you find this kind of behaviour with all employees?

Owner: No, mostly White Canadian women. But American white women worse!

Owner: Lady, you look too good. You shouldnt dress nice like that. Your employee's will think you rich and want more money for less work.

Wife: Thanks for the advice.

After that little discussion the wife was at least happy that she looks good. Even though we're not rich.

Damn those immigrants and their family values and work ethic, they are giving us a Bad name.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Just had a great Birthday with my wife. She actually golfed with me and lost the bet. Hmmmm, now the challenge is to wake her up and collect on it(very difficult when you have french wifey who likes her sleep). So I guess I will just drink and sing to myself. Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeee, happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeee, happy birthday you old f...er, happy birthday to meeeeeeeeee. 

Freedom! Dont touch my free...Oops I mean Limited Choice.

Have you ever noticed how many people in the West think they have freedom? The fact is, what we do have is limited choice. Now, I do realize our choices are much greater than most nations in the world, but all the same they are still limited. If we dont like what our leaders are doing, we, in theory have the opportunity to vote them out. It is here that our idea's on freedom get a little murky. The determining factor in our society in regards to freedom of choice is something called the "all mighty dollar". Whoever has more of these definately has more freedom to choose. There was a time when being the biggest and baddest on the block gave  you the right to the most freedom, but now it is all pretty much based on whoever has the most bucks. Democracy is a misnomer for our society. Capitalism and Consumerism are the driving forces. Any attempt to change our political situations is immediately met by the stark reality that finances determine who gets the most airplay and opportunity to share their values with the average voting individual. It doesnt matter what your party affiliation is. If they have the most dollars they have the bigger chunk of freedom of choice. In order for a party to have a large bank account they obviously have to have people with deep pockets to help fund their campaigns. Do you ever wonder how those lovely altruistic people or companies get paid? They get more FREEDOM. Freedom to choose how and when their lovely ideas get put into play. In Canada(and the USA) the majority of the population did not want to go to war in Afghanistan or Iraq. Was this ever put to a vote in our democratic nations? Nope! I wonder who then wanted this to happen? Could it be the people who have more freedom of choice and more financial gain determined this outcome? Since the recent economic downturn who has been given more freedom. It sure as shit isnt the less fortunate! Pretty much all the bailout money has seeped into the pockets of the most fortunate. Now how's that for freedom? Harper, Obama, Bush, Clinton, Trudeau, and all the other leaders of our great nations have one thing in common. They have the most Freedom to do as they please because someone behind them has the most bucks. Have a nice limited choice day and dont forget to pay your Taxes, someone needs more Freedom.